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He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples.

Posted on 2006.11.28 at 05:03
Current Location: my dad's office.
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Holy Dread!
My sister turned me into a cripple for a few days.

She was being a stubborn ass as usual, and I told her to go to her room. And again, as usual, she didn't listen to me. What usually happens next is me capitalizing on the extreme size difference between us and picking her up and calmly carrying her, usually kicking and screaming, to her room.

But this time was different, because she got the brilliant idea of grabbing the side of the fridge on the way out of the kitchen, and throwing off my balance, sending the full weight of me plus fifteen year old girl down on my ankle.

I've been limping around with a cane since yesterday. It's doing better, but work from 12-6 tomorrow will probably reverse all my recovery.

I am considering looking into telemarketing as a new temporary job.

I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I have. And a lot of people are upset about it, surprisingly enough.

Unsurprising? Well, it surprised me.

I am fascinated by the topic of death, but it's nothing morbid. It's one of those big, universally human issues, and how we deal with it can affect the course and quality of our lives.

It kind of shocks me how merely by talking about the subject, people assume that I am both suicidal and depressed, neither of which I am. It stuns me how people are so afraid to even think about this subject, no, not even afraid, the consider it wrong to even think about.

Of course, I am appalled whenever real thought about an issue is discouraged, as per my nature.

Today, my mother's co-facilitator at work, a lady named D'Ann Schlueter, had a brain aneurysm, which she didn't even know existed, rupture while she was driving her car.

The ensuing car accident would have been enough to kill her alone. She will either die tonight in intensive care, or she will live in a persistent vegetative state.

I knew D'Ann well, so it's not the sort of impersonal feeling you get from hearing something like that on the news.

Having said that, a lot of people are surprised "How well I took it". I mean, I have been comforting my mother, because one of her best friends is or is going to die, depending on how you define death, but I have been meditating on death for a long time, and while the way her life ended might be atypical, thinking about these issues often has left me prepared enough that when something like this happens, I tend to be more contemplative than emotionally disrupted, and that seems to take people aback.

I can understand why that might confuse someone who knew me superficially, but someone who knows me deeply has no excuse.

Anyway, so I am curious about your own thoughts on death and dying.

I feel like a can of smashed assholes now.

Posted on 2006.08.16 at 07:57
Current Location: In a locked room in my heart with the key thrown away.
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: Elliot(t) Smith - Needle in the hay.
Today is pretty much crushing my will to live already, and it's only eight o'clock.

I fucking suck.

There really is nobody I can turn to these days to make me feel better.

If anyone still reads this, I might start using it again.

Once there was a giving tree who loved a little boy.

Posted on 2006.05.28 at 07:27
Current Location: Brinn's Basement
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
Current Music: Rilo Kiley - Portions For Foxes
Ladies and Gentlemen,

Would you like to know what I am sick of?

Like really so sick of I could just scream at the top of my lungs and pound on the pavement over?


I keep them and I have kept them my whole fucking life.

I thought I'd learned my lesson, and I thought the lesson was "honesty is the best policy".

And let me tell you; nothing sounds better to me right now than just spilling everything.

But, I won't.

Why? You ask?

Because I'm scared. Yes, Jared gets scared sometimes, believe it or not. He even gets scared shitless.

Right now, Jared is scared of something, and that fear is making him, once again, keep secrets from people he cares for very, very much.

I tear myself up over it all the time. What would be more selfish of me? Would it be selfish of me to spill, or to refrain? What are the rules, anyway?

The rules are broad and sweeping, kiddies, but I still know that the solution space feels terriably narrow.

Or maybe it's just me again.

Me being silly.

Perhaps I am just doing the right thing, and being wise about what I share and with whom.

I get so angry at myself because I am the only person my heart will allow me to be mad at over this stuff.

I tell myself to learn from my mistakes and live more boldly, and yet here I find myself again, hiding my feelings from people I care so much about. The simple answer is to just snap the fuck out of it but there are no simple answers here, boys and girls. At least none that have presented themselves to me.

I am racking my brain so hard right now for something that won't make me look back and say, "boy, that was pretty stupid of you, Jared..."

Am I being dishonest? Or merely tactful?

This is the question currently standing trial at the jury of my heart and mind.

I'm tired. I want to sleep.

But I have to work at ten o' clock.

I have something to say to pretty much every single person who reads this journal, though:

"I love you all. Perhaps it's platonic, perhaps it's romantic, perhaps it's a mix, perhaps it's been a mix over the course of me knowing you. But whatever the case, at the end of the day, the road is long, and I want to thank you all for having done even the smallest part to make it just a little easier for me. I am indebted to you all so much and it is certainly my hope that I have at lest in some small measure helped you in a similar way."

Okay, I guess I am ready to face the day now.

I kind of have a lot on my mind.

Thanks for listening.

This picture is pretty yummy.

He was doing *what* to a dog?

Posted on 2006.05.16 at 11:54
Current Location: Messy Bedroom that is still not clean
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Current Music: Doctor Wu
To be taught to avoid honesty with someone you care about so much is probably the worst of experiences. I sincerley hope that you, my gentle readers, never have to understand this firsthand. By and large, most of you are far too good of people to ever deserve something like that in a million years.

Nevermind, I'm feeling better now,

Moving along...

Today I hauled five hundred and sixty pounds of concrete into my garage.

In case anyone was curious, eighty pound bags of concrete are fucking heavy.

I think my arms are going to fall off.

I think I am going to begin assembly of the 500 pounder tomorrow.

Feel free to stop by any old time.

If I'm not there when you show up, I'm probably just picking someone else up who wanted to help.

It's kind of last minute, so I don't expect a huge turnout, but I figure I might as well get a start on it.

Also, some poeple who won't be available friday will be available tomorrow.

Any way...

night peeps.

Posted on 2006.05.11 at 01:28
Hot damn it's good to be back to LJ!

I'm so sorry I cheated on you with Myspace, but I didn't even really blog on there I promise.

*Hugs all of you*

Extreme Bacteria are your friends!

Posted on 2006.05.11 at 00:15
Current Location: Messy Bedroom that is still not clean
Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed
Current Music: Bright Eyes - First Day Of My Life
I checked my myspace bulletins today, and I found this.

"You call me "Cracker", "Honkey", "Whitey" and you think it's OK.

But when I call you Kike, Towelhead, WOP, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Gook, nigger or Chink you call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund.
You have Martin Luther King Day.
You have Black History Month.
You have Cesar Chavez Day.
You have Yom Hashoah
You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi
You have the NAACP.
You have BET.

If we had WET(white entertainment television) ...we'd be racists.

If we had a White Pride Day... you would call us racists.

If we had white history month... we'd be racists.

If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives... we'd be racists.

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships...you know we'd be racists.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights...you would call us racists.

Did you know that some high school students decided to make a club for only the white students because the other ethnicities had them... they all got sent to court for being rasist but the african-american, latino, and asia clubs were not even questioned.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists.

I am white.
I am proud.

But, you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists?

Repost if you agree.

Now watch, I'll be a racist for posting this..."

That I could possibly be friends with someone who would post something so disgusting makes me ashamed.

Until today, I had literally *never* deleted anyone from my friends list.

You were the first, kiddo, and I hope it feels good.

I hope I never have to talk to you again until you have matured enough to have the judgement to understand what is wrong with that.

Every station is a white entertainment network, it's changing, but for the most part it's still true.

Every *other* Day is white pride day/month/whatever.

Every history class you have ever taken was a white history class.

A lot of otherwise unbiased scholarships are dispraportionatley awarded to whites.

We don't need to march for our rights, because we have never needed to.

When you are a majority, you don't need the ammenities that a minority does.

What a crock of shit lies here.

I understand that there are plently of people who are racist against whites, and that's wrong, but nothing in this bulletin got any of those legitimate cases across, and it accomplished nothing other than to make me nauseous and delete you from my friends list.

You'll probably never read this, I hope you will, but Chelsey, frankly, I don't really give a flying fuck.

Ghost has thrown her rider onto a fire ant's nest...

Posted on 2006.05.10 at 23:05
Current Location: Messy Bedroom
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Rilo Kiley - I Never
"I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you."

I'm not normally the sort to mindlessly repost things like this without explaination or justification, but I think that is all the reader will get.

Ciao Babes.

vegetarian veggie vegan taste tofurkey

Behold! Georgia, a Prophecy...

Posted on 2006.05.09 at 11:16
Current Location: library
Current Mood: stressedstressed
Current Music: irritating ringtone of valley girl next to me
So, quick poll...

Which do you people think will be easier to obtain?

1) $2,000 dollars worth of concrete...


2) $2,000 dollars with which to purchase $2,000 dollars worth of concrete...

Id like the input of you people, because I am contorting my finances as well as my personal connections to get the project this summer off the ground, no pun intended.

Mmmm...Come here foot soldier...

Posted on 2006.05.09 at 07:20
Current Location: Cafeteria
Current Mood: aggravatedwhatever it is, it's bad.
Current Music: Bright Eyes - Bowl of Oranges
I just want to take a moment to describe how totally, thoroughly disgusted I am with myself over my grades this semester. I really have no explaination why, with the exception of engineering design, they all just sucked monumentally.

How Hard?


Anyway, so I have no idea why I did this to myself this semester. I know however, that this is just the most recent incarnation of the classic problem for me, namely, that I can work diligently and relentlessly and *well* on any task *I* beset to myself, but the moment something comes from outside me, it might as well not exist. I hear about the paper to be due, but I become so absorbed in whatever I've challenged myself to do that even the simplest obligations fall away. The knowledge about the impending assignment never makes contact with my actions. And it has gotten so bad that this whole semester was basically like me spinning around in circles shooting myself in the foot repeatedly. I'm sick of it, but I don't know how to snap out of it. The obvious answer would be to cut myself off from my work, but at this point if I did that I'd just get *nothing* done, and what good would that be? Besides, my work is a demon that compells me to serve it no matter what, I might as well try and kill myself by holding my breath; it wouldn't work and it would just be me straining myself over a nonsensical solution that wouldn't even work. But Professer wells was right, my work may change the face of modern science, but without the credentials, who will listen to me? I will fall into obscurity and it will be lost. I have a responsibility to my own good as well as that of posterity to find a way to not just get better grades, but to get great ones.

Next semester I am going to get straight A's.

For the first time since high school I promise to myself here and now that however I manage, whatever I do, I will get straight A's and I will NOT fall behind.

Having a mate to lean on for support would be nice, but that's a beautiful dream so long lost I might as well just slap myself for even allowing it into my head.

I can remember when I was strong.

What has happened to me?

Who is this person?

Anyway, enough of this, I must study some more.

Ciao Babes.

P.S: Also, that little bastard teased me all night and never gave me any. Then he got "insulted" when I went elsewhere to get sexual gratification after he told me he wasn't going to give me any. What the fuck kind of a line is that?! I hate boys. I hate boys that make me feel guilty for just being a human being with needs. And then I even stuck around to redeem myself. Why the fuck did I do something so assinine as that?

And now, I beam some sunshine to ya'

vegetarian veggie vegan taste tofurkey

Have you ever eaten a train, piece by peice, after you drailed it, with your...

Posted on 2006.04.14 at 17:10
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: The Noises of the Painter Household. (their native habitat)
Branches break. It’s a cold, sick, ugly fact of life, but it’s true they do branches break. Branches break. You’re childhood friends are not your grade school friends are not your middle school friends are not your high school friends are not your college friends are not your life long friends branches break. And we know they break, but still in our infinite human ignorance we insist on wondering why they break. Did I change? did she change? Maybe if I would have given up. followed her to college. Been more been less played harder softer. Maybe. Maybe, but branches break. Branches break and we wonder why. Why they weren’t strong enough, why we weren’t strong enough. Were the branches weak or was the tree? or the roots of the tree? or the dirt the tree was planted on or if the water nurturing the tree wasn’t good enough wasn’t clean enough. Were we weak for hanging on so long when we knew things weren’t getting better? When we knew branches break? Or are we weak for letting go? Are we weak for breaking? Or are we weak for breaking. Because. Branches break. But still we insist. Who breaks branches? Her fault my fault maybe it was the wind was it something I said. Or didn’t say. Or didn’t say enough. Or said too much. Was it something I broke nobody breaks branches. Branches break.

But have you ever seen those broken branches, the kind that break in storms or divorces that won’t let go of the tree? Even though the tree, very clearly, very firmly no longer wants them. Will not feed them. Will not grow them. Will not hold them will not love them. Those branches? Those branches that break? When they will not leave the tree so they just die in its other branches, its branches that did not break. And when beauty and spring bring foliage to the branches that are still held, that are still loved. These branches. Have none. Because branches break. Even broken branches break. Even branches. Break.

Yeah, old pal, they do.

Anyway, so I haven't updated in awhile, but alas, do not fret, my readers, I have been busy accomplishing this, or at least that is what I am telling myself. The artistic kick I have been on as of late refuses to give me any relief, but perhaps it will, upon completion.

There are some people who I really wish would treat their boys better, because they have no idea how fcuking lucky they are.

On a similar vein, of boys, Ethan did something kind of funny at work. He blurted out in the break room, "I love you!" (and it *was* exclaimatory).

Everyone stares.

He turns slowly around and says, "OH! Wait! I don't...because I love...someone else...I already have a boyfriend..."

Everyones eyes open wider.

He says, "I mean...I have a boyfriend...who's a girl..."

God Ethan. Good Save.


And in honor of that, a breif vid of him handing me popcorn, as absurdly and artificially as he possibly can...


Anyway, I suppose for now, I will bid you all an "adieu"...untill next time, and Ethan's hot enough I don't feel compelled to leave you with any more hotness, you might die.

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